Since the dawn of mankind, we’ve searched the stars for answers to some of life’s great mysteries. From cave-dwelling humanoids seeking clues to the afterlife, or Barbara down the hairdressers reading up on her chances of a summer fling, those minute speckles in the night sky offer so much wisdom to so many. HOWEVER, until now there has been a serious lack of pastry-based predictions; so, we hired the nation’s top pie-themed astrology translator to find out what those predictions REALLY mean. Here’s what we found.
Tuesday and Wednesday unites you with some powerful friends and acquaintances, so mix business with pleasure. = Eat your pie whilst wearing a suit?
After some unexpected bumps in the road the past few weeks, you are back to feeling in charge of the show. = Burning that pie in the oven really knocked your confidence as a chef but don’t worry – it happens to the best of us!
Your emotions are strong right now so go with the flow. = Definitely buy that Steak & Ale pie you’ve been staring at for 15 minutes in Waitrose.
This week starts out on a romantic tone with the moon in your zone of relationships. = offer your “rush-hour crush” a bite of your pork pie on the tube.
Getting organized at the beginning of the week will pay off later – Throw away the 48 sausage roll wrappers in your bedroom.
The sun moves into group-oriented Aquarius on Thursday, which will introduce you to some great VIPs in the next few weeks. = Perhaps you’ll meet one of our chefs?
A confrontation at work Wednesday may bum you out but try to be practical instead of overreacting. = Linda from the office took your quiche again. Don’t get mad, get even. Throw her next packed lunch out of the window.
Some stressful issues that have been simmering will finally work themselves out this week = You thought your local Waitrose had stopped selling our pies, turns out they just rearranged the aisles!
This week is a bit of a mixed bag but you will finally have some clarity on some big issues that you have been dealing with = You know your boyfriend at that gluten free chocolate tart, he just won’t admit it. That’s all about to change as the guilt starts to kick in…
Thursday is a fabulous day for your love life so pencil in a date night. = A night of trash TV, just you and a Quiche Lorraine…
Life slows down a bit this week and you will have the chance to prioritize what is important to you rather than juggling so much = you quit your job after the boss tells you that bringing pork pies with you to a business meeting is not acceptable.
A disagreement with a family member Thursday may be stressful but it could also help you set clear boundaries. = Your grandma tries to feed you a non coeliac-friendly pie.
We’re going to leave you with a few words from the great Gary Barlow “all the stars are coming out tonight, they’re lighting up the sky tonight, for you…for you”